I’ve wanted to do a focused reading thing for AGES! This year, I thought I’d take advantage of my general sleeplessness and participate in this year’s Dewey’s 24-Hour Readathon
Books I hope to get to:
Idaho, Emily Ruskovich
If At Birth You Don’t Succeed, Zach Anner
Caraval, Stephanie Garber
Strange Weather In Tokyo, Hiromi Kawakami
Night Waking, Sara Moss
This list is fluid/might be completely rubbish.
I also have a graphic novel somewhere and some fun Kindle reads. I’ll be taking a break to watch my sister-in-law run a half-marathon. But I’ll bring a book. I’ll also be dancing with Isla at regular intervals.
EDIT: I got the time wrong for my time-zone. I DON’T CARE. I read, I don’t do Math.
Starting 12am tonight/tomorrow. Add 24 hours. With a wrap-up post on Monday.
I’ve wanted to update my About Me page for AGES. Or four years. Because somehow, I’m now 36. Even stranger, my fiance has been my husband for nearly four years. And the tiny human we made is now very tall and seventeen, nearly three years old. They are awesome people and I’m glad we get to do life together.
However. That’s not really About Me, is it? But it’s been what I’ve been all about for awhile. I no longer think in sentences, but Isla-isms and cartoon theme songs. It’s a good day if Isla has a good day. It’s a good night if I sleep.
We’ve moved to Skye from Edinburgh, into a house that’s needed more work than we originally thought.
I love our quirky house, but I’d love it more if we could plant it somewhere with neighbors. And a bookstore. And a Starbucks. And my friends.
I’ve become accustomed to missing people. Most of my friends are everywhere I am not. Because I’ve moved a lot. Before I met Neil, moving and starting over just seemed to be something I did. I was good at it. Until realised I didn’t want to do it anymore.
My first move was from Dallas to New York, I was a baby, but it counted. I lived on both ends of Long Island, flitting between Mom’s house and Dad’s house and both sets of grandparents.
My Dad moved to Scotland when I was 12ish, and I started going back and forthish. I was just a girl, landed at an airport asking the people of the country beyond its doors to love her. I loved both. I love both. I’m from both. I’m from neither.
I never kind of embraced my third-cultureishness, but there it is.
You tend to think about this stuff when you turn 36. And you have conversations with your too-nearly-three year-old that go like this:
Isla: Daddy’s from Embra. So, where are you from, Mummy?
Me: How long have you got? Let’s just say Canada.
As I write this, I’m at my kitchen table in my kitchen on Skye, drinking coffee and eating cheese on toast. The snow from two days ago has melted and I’m listening to country music. Figure that out.
Neil is working from home as he does up here and Isla’s at school because she’s too smart, already. We have New York magnets on the fridge. Next to our penguin-in-a-kilt magnet. I’m surrounded by books and those envelopes with bubble-wrap lining. I use them to send stuff to my friends, where ever they are.
I sometimes wonder if my confusing cultural clutter, even with it’s frequent-flyer positives, is well, confusing for Isla. But then we have conversations like this:
‘Where are you from, Isla-Monkey?’
She avoids the question entirely. I told you she was smart.
And so, after painting all the pictures and doing all the puzzles, Isla and I went out.
We’ve paved around the house so we can have races and stuff, so there’s that. But we live on a hill.
‘Go over the stones and roll down the hill with me, Mummy.’
‘I can’t, baby. I wouldn’t get back up.’
‘Please, Mummy. Just try.’
Which is what we ask her to do.
So, I tried.
And my heart broke a little. Because Isla said, ‘That’s awight, Mummy. I’ll play on my own.’ And she did. And I angled away for a bit so she wouldn’t see me cry. Because she’s seen it before. Not a lot. And yet.
You can be the biggest advocate, with the filthiest sense of humour. You can shout for a living and then come home and just live.
But sometimes, CP hurts.
When strangers think Isla is my much younger sister, and she wants me to run down hills and get on the other end of a see-saw. That’s when it hurts.
Then you come in and you burst. But then you go on. Because there are trains to play with. And a nearly three year-old face to memorise.