I figured you wouldn’t want to hear about how I can’t sleep. And then I do. And then I snap awake at 4 AM, and read by Kindle-light. How Isla goes to ‘school’ two mornings a week now, and I miss her after the first hour. How there’s a path around the house now, and that’s a good thing. But how, sometimes we, (OK, mostly I) want to lift this house and the path around it and plant it somewhere where there’s neighbours.
I figured you wouldn’t want to hear that on bad, cliche days my only happiness is my husband and my child, my books and the songs of Lee Brice.
However, you might be interested to know that my Mom came over to visit. And she brought me Wintergreen Altoids. How she stayed for two weeks and we only had two and a half fights. (I knocked half off because she brought me Altoids.)
We drove around looking for salmon and wool and world peace. We listened to The Beatles and she knitted me a sweater. Yes, really.
And after two weeks and two and half fights, I asked her to stay. Yes, really. She didn’t. The sweater’s a little big, but the visit was just the right size.
I’m not depressed. Or at least I know I shouldn’t be. Hell, I live in the most desirable place in Britain.
Scenery has got to count for something, right?
So. Not depressed. I just really like Oreos these days.
This is not a new feeling for me. When I first moved to Edinburgh, I missed my friends in Glasgow. When I was in Glasgow, I missed my student days. When I was a student, I should have stayed there.
Point is, I’m always missing something.
I didn’t grow up in the same place I was a child, and I’ve moved every five years ever since.
My sense of place and belonging has always been jumbled and fucked up. Home is more about people than a postbox. I know that. It makes life interesting, but also well, interesting.
When Mom was here we took her to Edinburgh. We rented a flat for four days. In our old building. The same building Neil and I moved into together, where we came home from work, and our honeymoon and the hospital with Isla.
Edinburgh gave me a bunch of my favourite things. And chip-shop pakora.
I’ve decided that as a place, Edinburgh is as close as I’ve come to home, as an adult.
Today, I’m thankful for Edinburgh, and all my friends there. All my friends and family, and friends who are family, everywhere. I’m thankful for everyone on this island. And my people on Long Island.
For my husband and my kid and for everyone that loves us, weird bunch that we are.
For the people who drink coffee and beer with me.
For the people who ate cookies with me in 1985, and the people who ate cookies with me last week.