One Umbrella Flying in the Rain

Mary Poppins: Umbrella
Image by jpellgen via Flickr

I like my rain like I like my snow.  Drumming on the roof and trailing down the windows while I read a book and sip hot chocolate.  Candles optional.  Marshmallows mandatory.

I can’t drive in rain jackets.  They flap about and slow me down and are generally useless.  They get caught in my wheels and rip and get gross and unpresentable.

I do have ‘clothes guards’ on my chair.  But I think they should be fired.

One of my nicknames at University was Bat-girl, on account of the black rain cape I wore when the weather called for it.

I’ve even been known to wear waterproof trousers.  OK, I only made that fashion statement once.  In a field.  Listening to music. In the rain.  It was great, and trust me, nobody cared how they looked that day.  And neither did I.

On rainy days, I could get an umbrella to hook on the back of the chair.  I prefer the cape and frozen hair look, more suited to my personality.

But I haven’t worn a cape in years.  My most recently retired rain jacket had ingrained tire tracks at the sides that eventually refused to come out in the wash.  I ‘lost it’ in the back of my Dad’s car.

I got something a bit more fitted that doesn’t touch the wheels when I drive.

Sarge says I look like I should be out solving crimes while saying ‘one more thing!’

Last week, during a particularly epic down-pour on the way to work, I actually held an umbrella while my PA pushed me.  The windier it got, the more the umbrella acted like a sail, and I kind of glided to work.

It was difficult to keep a hold on the umbrella.  I found my own version of Mary Poppins frustrating and then funny.

The sailing umbrella was fun.  But kinda useless.  I arrived to work soaking wet, making puddles on the floor as I trailed to my desk

‘Anyone have a hair-dryer?’  I asked.  ‘For my clothes?’  Nobody did.

I would have even parked myself underneath a hand-dryer in the bathroom.  But we don’t have hand-dryers.

Perhaps next time it rains I should wear my waterproof trousers.  Or take the bus.

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