I like my rain like I like my snow. Drumming on the roof and trailing down the windows while I read a book and sip hot chocolate. Candles optional. Marshmallows mandatory.
I can’t drive in rain jackets. They flap about and slow me down and are generally useless. They get caught in my wheels and rip and get gross and unpresentable.
I do have ‘clothes guards’ on my chair. But I think they should be fired.
One of my nicknames at University was Bat-girl, on account of the black rain cape I wore when the weather called for it.
I’ve even been known to wear waterproof trousers. OK, I only made that fashion statement once. In a field. Listening to music. In the rain. It was great, and trust me, nobody cared how they looked that day. And neither did I.
On rainy days, I could get an umbrella to hook on the back of the chair. I prefer the cape and frozen hair look, more suited to my personality.
But I haven’t worn a cape in years. My most recently retired rain jacket had ingrained tire tracks at the sides that eventually refused to come out in the wash. I ‘lost it’ in the back of my Dad’s car.
I got something a bit more fitted that doesn’t touch the wheels when I drive.
Sarge says I look like I should be out solving crimes while saying ‘one more thing!’
Last week, during a particularly epic down-pour on the way to work, I actually held an umbrella while my PA pushed me. The windier it got, the more the umbrella acted like a sail, and I kind of glided to work.
It was difficult to keep a hold on the umbrella. I found my own version of Mary Poppins frustrating and then funny.
The sailing umbrella was fun. But kinda useless. I arrived to work soaking wet, making puddles on the floor as I trailed to my desk
‘Anyone have a hair-dryer?’ I asked. ‘For my clothes?’ Nobody did.
I would have even parked myself underneath a hand-dryer in the bathroom. But we don’t have hand-dryers.
Perhaps next time it rains I should wear my waterproof trousers. Or take the bus.