Which way did they go, George?

I met Sarge on his lunch break yesterday.  For lunch.  It felt quite decadent, eating at a restaurant in the middle of the afternoon, while not being on holiday.

I might not be on holiday, but I still don’t know where the hell I am half the time.  Geographically/directionally speaking, of course.  This isn’t because I’m new to the city.  I lived in Glasgow for more than four years, in the same neighbourhood for nearly three of those, and I was just settling in when I decided to leave again.

I’ve always said, if I can’t see it from my house, I don’t know where it is.  I have an idea, but I don’t really know.  It doesn’t help if I’ve been there before, or even if it’s my house.  If someone needs directions, I get someone else to give them.  If I give directions, and the person doesn’t get lost, I’m pleased with myself for three whole days.  And I call it a fluke.

When someone tells me where something is, starts in with ‘Left here, right there…’ my brain fries a little.  I have to feel for the writer’s bump on my right hand, in order to figure out left and right.  Sometimes I have to actually look at my hands.  Which I’m sure is a curious sight.  Taking the wrong turn has meant I go in actual circles, back where I started.  Like that one time where I went around the block only to discover that where I wanted to be was across the street from my flat.  That was a fun day.

People say it’s because I don’t drive (a car).  I think it’s the reason I don’t.

When I travel around places that aren’t my own damn city, I am never The One With The Map.  I’m sure I’ve lost friends, because people have counted on me to know where we’re going.  I haven’t actually lost people, I should say.  Although one or two have stopped speaking to me.

Other people think it’s cute, and I have added it to my list of personal quirks and joke about it as much as possible.

A few weeks ago, I renewed my mobile phone contract, and got an iPhone for free.  I didn’t really want one, and I wasn’t going to get one.  But it just appeared.  And even I can forget my morals for GPS.

I used it yesterday, to get to lunch.  I should mention that the restaurant is two blocks away from my flat.  But getting there involved lefts and rights, and so I followed the little blue dot on the map.  I was with my PA, and I even said to her at one point:  Oh, look!  The dot is MOVING.  (Remember ‘Follow the bouncing ball’? It was like that.  Only it wasn’t.)

I got there, with unfried brains.  Thank you, iPhone.

And now, I’m going out and getting (not) lost.  Again.

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4 thoughts on “Which way did they go, George?

  1. I have to look at my hands to get left and right, too! I make an ‘L’ with the thumb and forefinger on my left hand… ahem!

  2. Hey, me too, I am quite good at finding my way around places but I am useless when it comes to knowing my left from my right. My head has more important knowledge to store in it! I recently realised that I could use the tattoo on my left wrist to help me out in sticky situations… It was for my childhood dog named Lucy, therefore Lucy = Left… My quirks come in handy sometimes ( ;

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