I Hate Myself And I Want To Read

I was breaking out in hives. Shaking. Clawing at my skin.

‘What the hell is this?’ I said to Sarge. ‘Red splotches. On my neck. Should I do this? I think I’m gonna be sick. Hold my hand.’ And then I grabbed his hand. Maybe broke his fingers. A little.

No, I was not peeing on a stick. I was not choosing table linens for the wedding dinner (which is actually the wedding breakfast, but never mind). None of those things.

I bought a Kindle. It comes with an existential crisis.

‘Do you think I should finish all the books I have before I buy one?’

‘Then you’ll never do it.’

‘Is that my answer? Do I even need one?’

‘Do you want one?’

‘Yes. ButIfeeldirty.’

Now. I have been openly hostile to e-readers. They are not books. They don’t smell like paper and ink. Real readers read books. So there.

A girl can change her mind. I’ve caught up with the times for a few reasons:

1.  Sarge likes to sleep. I do not. He can’t sleep with the light on, I can’t read without it. And when I read in bed, I sometimes drop the book on Sarge’s face. By accident, of course. Mostly. The last time it happened, he got a paper-cut. On his eye. I laughed. And then I felt bad.

He might have started to wear an eye-mask in bed. To block out my reading light and to shield his face from low-flying books. The mask is a kind of compromise. He used to fall asleep with a pillow over his face. Freaked me out a little.

‘Can you breathe? Are you breathing​?’

‘Oh, aye.’

‘Are you sleeping?’

‘Not right now.’

b.  The last time we went away, we really did take a book suitcase. On the last day, Sarge looked like this:

He wants to travel lighter. I do, too. Especially on the honeymoon.

iii.  My personal Amazon boy-cot didn’t last very long. Obviously. I worked for them for about 5 minutes/exactly a month. Or at least I worked for people who employed people to work there. And then I quit. It was all very Norma Rae. Not really. After I left, I wanted to see how long I could last without using them.

I will say that the end of my drought wasn’t my fault. I like it when my book-group books can be locally-sourced. Or something. If not locally, then at least from GreenMetropolis. I found our most recent book-group selection there, and then my order was cancelled by the seller. And it wasn’t available at the library. And so, I ordered it on Amazon. Without looking at the Kindles.

But, I was (trying to) read in bed last week, and I might have given Sarge another paper-cut. Soon after, I broke out in those hives.

‘The built-in light will save your eyesight,’ said Sarge.

‘And yours,’ I said.

The things we do for love.

Are you an e-reader convert? Do you still read real books? Am I evil? (Feel free to not answer that last question!)

One Sentence Book Reviews

Or, book reviews that are one sentence.  Or one line, depending on your definition of ‘sentence’.  Work with me.

Chicken With Plums - I fell asleep in the middle, and woke up by the end.

Death at La Fenice – The start of my new favourite series.

The Fault in Our Stars – I might have developed a slightly age-inappropriate crush on Augustus Waters.

MWF Seeking BFF: My Yearlong Search For A New Best Friend – An exercise in First-World problems.

On Writing – I highlight library books.

Dotter of Her Father’s Eyes – This one made me want to like Paris again.

Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail – Like Eat, Pray, Love with balls.

Beautiful Creatures – Yes, really.

Rapture – Better aloud.

The Killing – I hated the end, but I had to get there.

Hope: A Tragedy – This one should be a Coen Brothers film.

What was the last book you read?  Can you sum it up in a sentence?

Cover of On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft

2012: The Books I Lived With This Year

Goodreads says I’ve read 49 books this year.  That would be a painful number, if I wasn’t taking a reading break from the 5oth to share my top 10 for 2012, in some semblance of order:

The Snow Child

The History of Love

The Panopticon

The Story Sisters

The Invisible Circus

Dandelion Wine

The Night Circus

The Art of Fielding

Where’d You Go, Bernadette?

The Yellow-Lighted Bookshop

 

These are the books I lived with this year.  The ones I stayed awake to finish, the   ones I read  in sweatpants, before I got dressed ‘for real’, the ones where I read bits aloud, sometimes to myself. Some made me laugh, some made me cry, the best did both.

Sarge read a few of them first and then threw them at me.  Most of them are now on his side of the bed because I’ve said: Dude, you hafta read this.  No, really.  They were good enough that I felt the need to use the word ‘Dude’.

As for next week’s/year’s reading I’m going to go back on my memoir/bio/nonfiction kick, I think.  After I read the fiction I bought with my Christmas vouchers.  And I’m also going to concentrate on the other books already in my house before buying any more, and if I do buy, I shall buy local. And I’m getting much better at using the library.  However, it would seem that I still need work on bringing books back after I check them out.  I can’t help it. They’re so pretty.

What were your top books of the year?

What will you be reading next year?

P.S.  I know I’m a little late, but check out The Mary Sue for more book trees.

Do You Read Naked?

On Monday, I finished Where’d You Go Bernadette, which was my 43^rd book of the year and my 701^st listed  on Goodreads.  And it really needs a question mark at the end.  Because questions without question marks annoy me.

As well as a grammatically incorrect title, it was the first hardcover book I’ve read in a while.  I read it naked.  Smooth and unadorned.  The book, not me.  I find book jackets flappy and useless, and lose them quickly.  On purpose.

Nobody trusts me with book jackets.  Which is why I prefer paperbacks.  Less fuss.

Anyway, I was online a few weeks ago, looking to order the book group book.  Which I already own, but can’t find.  I’ve moved seven times since I read Ask the Dust for the first time.  It isn’t in a our sixty-four book shelves/two cases in the living room.  It isn’t in the hallway with my old textbooks.  So, I bought it.  I might have bought Bernadette, too.  Because online shopping isn’t really shopping.

Lately, I read in bed at night.  Sometimes, I get to the middle of a book and read right to the end.  If not, I must have a spent train ticket to use as a bookmark.  I used to have real bookmarks, but then I got beyond the age of ten.  And I don’t have kids yet, so I won’t be seeing real bookmarks until they make me ones for Christmas.  And so, while I am in this limbo between ten and motherhood, I’m using train tickets.  I hope books exist when my kids do, I hope their parents aren’t the last people on earth to buy real books.  I hope books don’t shrink to band-aids on people’s foreheads like the remote-control thing called Samantha 2 in Bernadette.

While reading Bernadette, I did not read the last page first, as I sometimes do.  One of my old (and favourite) English teachers said reading the last page first puts the whole book in context and changes the way you read it.  Sometimes I start with the last page and sometimes I don’t.  It depends on what kind of experience/relationship I want to have with the book.

What are some of your reading habits?

Do you read naked?

Do  you read the last page first?

As for me, I’m now reading The Interrogative Mood.  Which more than satisfies my need for question marks.

Have you read it?

Naked and beautiful. See?

Reading Through The Stacks: An Open Apology To My Book Group

Since September has arrived, I figured I’d do another reading update.  I’ve finished seven books since the last round-up post:

Before I Go To Sleep -  I did end up liking this a lot.  I thought about it for awhile after the last page, which I suppose is a good sign.  I’ve had more vivid dreams since I read it, which is an even better sign.  I stayed up late to finish it, which is maybe the best sign.

Dandelion Wine – This was a timely read, for my book group.  I read it an afternoon, which was really three hours.  In those three hours, I went from:  ‘Dude is mowing the lawn AGAIN’ to ‘This is the best book EVAR.’  Each statement was shouted from the bedroom to the office where Sarge was playing a super-geeky board game, online.  Probably against the computer.  Or a 12 year-old genius in Korea.

Man In The Dark – This is my tenth Paul Auster book.  I LOVE his stuff.  Timbuktu, not so much, but still.  I read Man In The Dark in the space between 5 and 8 am, when I couldn’t sleep.  This was perhaps the perfect circumstance to enjoy this book.  And I did.  It’s right up there with Oracle Night as one of my favourites.

The Hand That First Held Mine – I found this claustrophobic and kinda creepy.  Which is saying a lot.  Since I read After You’d Gone on an island, in the rain.

The Tiger’s Wife – This was another book group book.  My choice.  I don’t know why, since I don’t like magical realism or books with not a lot of dialog.  I’m also more a people person, and not so much an animal person.  I chose this because I felt I should read it.  And I wanted to like it more than I did.  PS.  I’m sorry book group people.  PPS.  I should have chosen The Family Fang, which I still have yet to read.

Digging To America – Since I seem to be reading a lot of debut novels, I wantedto get back to my favourite authors.  I loved Saint Maybe and Dinner at The Homesick Restaurant.  And the page in this book where it describes the feeling of living in two places, and therefore not being at home anywhere.  I’d share the exact quote,  but the book is back at the library.  Being able to find the exact quote without putting your shoes on should be Point 1 for owning books.

A Discovery of Witches – This book was an effin’ beast.  (That word truncated for maximum effect.)  I gave it 4 stars, but I read all of the aforementioned books in the middle  of it.  Glad to have read it, more so to have finished it.  And of course I’m waiting for the sequel to become available at the library.

What are you reading at the moment?

If you are part of a book group, what’s your next book?

Reading Through The Stacks: Loyalty To Books

I’ve read 31 books this year. And started countless others.

Recent complete reads have been:

The Magicians -

To me, this is Harry Potter on speed mixed with The Never-Ending Story. Maybe that’s just me. But it did end. And now I have to read the sequel. Damn.

13 Little Blue Envelopes -

Because I too traipsed around Europe as a young person. And I have an Aunt who passed away, who kind of guides me through life. There aren’t any letters for me, though. Poems, but no letters.

I even met a weirdo. These days, I much prefer the geek I’m getting married to.

The Night Circus -

Loved this one. Ten stars. I would say not my usual kind of book. But I’ve forgotten what my usual is. I suspect I read this at just the right time to be swept away.

Seven Up-

Yes, I’m still reading this series. No, I haven’t lost count. or heart. Yet.

Naked -

I read this because I was looking for another one of his, and I found this one. Read it cover to cover, which may not be the best way to read essays. I’ve thrown it at Sarge, but not before highlighting ones he should read.

Blood, Bones and Butter-

Continuing on my memoir kick, I’d been waiting AGES to read this book. A bit of armchair travel here too, since Sarge and I have decided not to go out of the country until the honeymoon.

Cinder-

This is another one that can be filed under ‘escapist’. Kept imaging Wall-E. I figure I read grown up books when I was a young adult, so I can read some YA now.

And these are some of the books that are in various stages of unread around the house:

Before I Go To Sleep -

I think I’m at the point just before it gets predictable. Having said that, I was reading this yesterday as Sarge came home from work,  he put the key in the door and I jumped so high my butt cleared my seat. Now, I know all about my heightened fright-reflex, but that was a little excessive.

A Discovery of Witches -

Loving this.

How I Became A Famous Novelist-

I consider this one research.

 

How many books are you reading now?

What keeps you reading to the end?

What makes you want to throw a book across a room?

Some of these are saying: Don’t forget to finish us, Lorna. We LOVE you!

Top Ten Tuesday: Stacked For The Summer

I have no business going to the library.  Or maybe I should work at one.

The self-imposed book-buying ban is still on.  Sometimes it slips off.  Such a tease.

I got three more books from the library yesterday, and this is how I’m stacked for summer reading:

The Family Fang

The Echo Chamber

Dandelion Wine

The Psychopath Test

Cat’s Cradle

The Magicians

A Discovery of Witches

Moneyball

The Best of Everything

Dear Scott, Dearest Zelda

I’d also like to finish American Gods, Cat’s Eye and Kafka on the Shore.

And maybe I should work on a summer writing list.

What will you be reading this summer?

(Post inspired by The Broke and the Bookish.)

Reading Through The Stacks: The Reading Room

Since the office/writing room/reading room has been reclaimed from the cat, my reading speed has improved.  I can read 376 words per minute.  Staples says so. What’s your reading speed?

Recent reads have been:

The Art of Fielding – I was right there with this, until the end.    That seems to be my go-to one-liner recently.  It just felt too neat.  More verbose ‘review’ may be coming soon!

Full Dark House – This one I got from a Goodreads group giveaway.  To me, the ending improved my reading experience.  I may send this one to my Mom.  The last book I sent her was Best In Show: Knit Your Own Dog.  Because it combines two of her favourite things.

The Invisible Circus – This one made me weep.  The last one to do that was The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake.

You and I -  There exists somewhere a recording of my Grandfather and his brother driving around Ohio putting the world to rights.  This book reminded me of that.  Awesome.

Current reads:

The Night Circus

Franny and Zooey

The Devotion of Suspect X

And on deck, we have:

 

A no longer empty shelf!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What are you reading?

What should I be reading?

 

Reading Through the Stacks: Every Letter Was a Love Letter

Yesterday was spent trading notes with Sarge to save his hay-fevered voice.  When was the last time you wrote a love note or letter?

Somewhere between note 1 and 17, I finished reading my 20th book of the year.

Recent reads have been:

 The Marriage Plot - Read this in three days.  The first two I was right there with it.  Yesterday, not so much.  I was just happy to read complex sentences again.

Fifty Shades of Grey (Fifty Shades, #1) – I read this because I have a not-so-new obsession with talked-about books.  I found myself counting the times Ana mentioned her inner goddess.  And then I lost it.  Perhaps the best thing about reading this was appreciating Ellen’s video.

The History of Love - I lived with this book.

The Shape Of Water - Must read all the others and catch up with the show.  Think I know what our next box-set will be.

Hot Six (Stephanie Plum, #6) – These haven’t become boring yet.  Predictable and comfortable, but not boring.

 The Bees - Read this aloud, to myself.  In my living-room.  In honour of (inter)National (kinda) Poetry Month.  And to drown out the not-so dulcet tones of my upstairs neighbour.  The one who is constantly on the phone.  At that infuriating level that’s loud enough to be annoying, but too muffled to be useful in my writing.  Except to say it’s worse than a slow, tapping leak.

The Freedom Writers Diary - I got this because of my not-so recent obsession books on writing/books that encourage writing/books made into films.  And because I was looking for something else and found this on the way.  And then realised it was a book I’d wanted to read for a long time.  Everybody wins.

Previous books listed here.

What have you been reading?

The History of Love (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Instant Coffee Tastes Like Mushrooms

I’ll repeat, instant coffee taste like mushrooms.  Fact.  That’s why, as I write this, there is a cup of zombie coffee by my side.  Anyway, these are, as ever, coffee-fuelled ramblings.

And so, this week, I went out for more real coffee with a friend.  I discovered many things:

1.  It’s OK that I can’t get through five pages of Saturday or Enduring Love.  It isn’t just me.
2. Apparently, I can’t go five minutes without talking about THE WEDDING.  And that’s OK.  But somehow less universal an issue than the density of Ian McEwan’s prose.

I’m going to be bold.  This post is not about THE WEDDING.  It’s not about the bike, either.  Or the shoes.  It’s about OTHER THINGS.

I’ve been writing a lot.  My last piece was rejected.  I’ve been trying to find words for this.  It sucks.  That’s two words.  Empty gaping hole.  There’s three more.  In all seriousness, this last knock sent me into a darkened room.  Really.  That’s where Sarge found me when he got home from work.  I tried to switch the light on, though.  And then I threw up.

And so, if I’m not talking about THE WEDDING, I’m talking about THE BIG FAT ‘NO’.  Or not talking about it.  I have since left the darkened room.  To watch Judge Judy.  Or The Sopranos.  Or this video.  Over and over.

Getting back to The Sopranos, Sarge and I are working through the box-set.  Two episodes left.  When the show was first on, I refused to watch the end.  I like to think the characters from my favourite shows live on in some funky parallel universe.  Which is kinda apt.  Because they’re ACTORS.

Coffee cup (Photo credit: @Doug88888)

I’m planning a post that lists my favourite episodes of The Sopranos.  I’ll give you a hint.  Christopher is my favourite character.  So THAT ONE won’t be on the list.  I guess I’ve always had a thing for guys with big noses.

Which reminds me of THE WEDDING.  But that’s another post.

And that was six minutes.  Which is more than five.