10 Things You Can Do In The Dark

Let’s say there’s a power-cut.  In the middle of the day.  This day is particularly overcast and spooky, with little or no natural light.  You know, like April.  You are either home from work or you don’t have a job outside of that home.  The point is, apparently, you don’t have any juice inside it, either.

Here’s what you might do:

1.  Consider, for a moment, that you’ve finally done it.  With the computer on, the music on and for some reason all the damn lights on, you have blown all the fuses.  In the world. Ever.  This power outage is your fault.  You were listening to Sun Volt, and now there are no volts.  Neeener, neener.  Screw you, you big hippie.

2.  Wonder if the apocalypse/the extra weird part of The Passage has come true.

3.  Compose yourself.  Text your boyfriend/girlfriend/anyone who does not jump to stupid conclusions.  They might be at work.  Just sayin’.

‘Are you out, too?’

‘Yep.’

Oh, good.  Kinda.  At least the whole building, the whole street, the whole town will not blame you.  This also means the bill is paid and the apocalypse has not arrived.  Good deals.

4.  Now that you know it isn’t your fault, you are bored.  You amuse yourself by getting dressed.  In the dark.  Before NO JUICE you may have been hanging out in your robe.  Because you can.

5.  You may quote that line from Al Pacino.  All over the house.  And you may laugh.  Because it makes sense.  And you are stupid.

6.  You may read.  In the dark.  Because you can.  The Kindle isn’t so bad, after all.

7.  You may feel vindicated. 7b. But still a little dirty.

8.  You might worry that the food in your fridge is sweating.  Your freezer is defrosting.

9.  You eat.  Some grapes.  A sandwich without the bread.  You contemplate the dubious yogurt.  You don’t think so.

10.  You remember that old episode of Rosanne where their power goes out.  No, not that one.  The tornado one.  You think of helmets.  And ghost stories.  You might write a ghost story when the power comes back on.

Which it does. Eventually.

This whole list may have played out in the space of twenty minutes.  In my house.  Which now has power.  Of course.

How many film and TV references can I make in one post. Or two. (Image via: http://nzfilmfreak.wordpress.com)

7 Ways To Become A Cliche

I think I might be one.  If you think you are too, here are the warning signs:

Your job is all you can talk about.  Until you become a boring stresshead to your friends.  You know, the people who knew you before you got the job.  The people who know you are indeed American, but you haven’t really lived there for 17 years, so your Americaness is well, no BFD.

You’re sitting in your jacket and scarf and boots.  With your badge flashing a strained smile around your neck.  This would have been fine, or at least OK.  Except you’re in your living-room, where you’ve been for an hour.

You unwind from a hard week by:

a.  Drinking with friends and showing off photographic evidence of it.

2.  Listening to Garth Brooks at full blast.

iii. Catching up with Dr Phil and counting the ways aforementioned stressful job may be affecting your relationship.  One reason being your long-suffering, but not really you hope, partner has to make the dinner.

d.  Taking a book and some chocolate to the bath.  Where you may or may not pretend you are advertising Calgon.

79.  All of the above.

See?

 

 

10 Reasons I Love Pinterest

1.  It complements my healthy-eating plan.  When I’m eating grapes or rice-cakes and therefore hungry, it helps to re-pin cake recipes.

2.  I can keep wedding ideas together without glue or paper-cuts.

3.  It’s a source of my daily Zen.

4.  And sometimes it tells me what to do next.

5.  It’s shown my that broken books can be beautiful.

6.  It tells me I’m not the only one.

7.  If I pin a project, I might actually try it.

8.  It helps me visualise.

9.  It’s trying to entice me to eat vegetables.

10.  And I can pin all of the above without jabbing my fingers, dropping the pin, driving over it and getting a flat tire.  It’s accessible that way.

How do you use Pinterest?

Will Do Kegels For Cheesecake

Some more maybe not-so-little known facts about me:

I have a serious problem with spending money in places that don’t have accessible toilets, or  anywhere I have to move furniture to get around.  I engage Go Go (or not) Gadget Camel if the place sells books or cheesecake.  I’m weak.

Current obsessions include: Yankee Candles, escapist books, my father’s incredible shrinking tumour, episodes of Roseanne (before they won the lottery) and wedding blogs.

The highlight of my day yesterday was finding a bright orange mop you can throw in the wash.  I was immediately reminded of this.

I need a holiday.  Obviously.

I have one regret.  It is purely academic.  Really.

I want to open a bookshop and hire myself to work in it.

Popcorn is sacred.  And a food group.

I miss the days when people went down the street without texting or taking a photo.  Just live.

As I was saying, I recently took this:

On the way home from the train station.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Most of my actual writing these days happens in the green notebook Dad gave me.  While listening to Fleetwood Mac.  The notebook isn’t finished yet.  I should work on that.

Post inspired by the people behind 12 Books in 12 Months, Coffee and Chaos and The Terrain of Symmetry.  Because they kinda asked for it.

So, what would you do for cheesecake?

Space, Or Something Like it

I’m not claustrophobic or anything, but I’m beginning to think our place is too small.  It isn’t really; we just have too much junk.  I could speak only for myself, but I won’t.

A few weeks ago, Sarge spent a day or two making the Reading Room look, well, like a room.  He put photos up and everything.  One of them is actually a collage, because I have a crafty cousin who does that sort of thing.  I do not.

I was just happy to go into the room, do a few turns and leave without having to back out again.   I got dizzy after one too many figure-eights.  There was so much space!  No echoing, but lots of space.  Floor space, reading chair space.  And penguin space.  Jemima and Terence, together again.

I promised that I would clear as much from my writing space/the kitchen table.  Lots of dead trees/books, notebooks, vitamins, train tickets, post and paperwork mean that there is a Hemingway-shaped nook at the edge of the table.  For anyone trying to keep up, we actually eat at the living room table.

Now, I don’t use my wallet in the way that I should.  Money, probably more than I think, goes in the bottom of my bag.  Actually, several bags.  My wallet is for cards.  Expired cards.

I went through the piles.  Again. I found some useful things:

 

1.  My wallet.
2. My library card.  It wasn’t in the wallet.  For a few weeks, I’ve been using ID and a smile to take out books.  My card was at very bottom of pile number three.  Of course I used it  to add to book pile number 286.
3. We need a shredder.  We probably have one somewhere.  But it isn’t in one of my piles.
4. No fewer than 4 old notebooks.  Full of lists and random lines.  Six pages of ‘something’, ten pages of another thing.  Garnished with coffee-rings, highlighted lines and ‘NOTE TO SELF:  WTF is this?’
5. Some sweets that I chomped while trying to decipher the aforementioned lines.

 

Some of the books are back on the shelves, either here or at the actual library.  Others have been relegated to the to-sell/give away sack.  Feel free to note that particular sad sack has not yet made it out of my building.

A box labelled ‘Personal Papers’ has been filled to the brim and stacked in the hall closet.  Someday, we will tackle the closet.  That day is not today.

Step 1 of The Book Purge. How many steps out the door?

 

 

 

Apparently, You Can Go Home Again

I haven’t had a lot of screen time recently.  This is what I’ve been doing while not staring at a computer screen:

Collecting train tickets and using them as bookmarks.

Eating pizza while watching my Dad attempt to play jump rope with an extension cord.  The morphine is working!

Meditating/crying while in a church.

Reading Naked on the train, while wearing clothes.

Drinking cider at The Scottish Real Ale Festival.  I’m such a rebel.

Getting a free copy of Rebecca from Sarge and World Book Night.

Having lunch with some of the bridal crew/maids of awesome.

Listening to Low while writing on envelopes until two whole pens are out of ink.  Mostly it’s this one on repeat:

Possibly the best cover ever.  John Denver makes me cry, but this one makes me infinitely happy.

 

What have you been up to?

What Made You Happy Today?

I’ve spent the last few days seeking out stuff to make me happy.  I thought I’d share what I’ve come up with.

1. Searching for ‘Groovy Wedding Invitations’ on Google.   Because, well, I’m getting married.

2. Reading. And reading this.

3. The Penguin Fort

4. Cheese Doritos.  Sarge hates having them around. Therefore, I must eat them.  For the good of my relationship, you understand.

5.  Twisted logic.  See (4)

6. This video. Although I have to say, our pebbles were better.   And not captured on video.   PS. Should I do a video post?

7. This man:

My reading rock. After book-group. Which also makes me happy.

What made you happy today?

Reading Through the Stacks: Every Letter Was a Love Letter

Yesterday was spent trading notes with Sarge to save his hay-fevered voice.  When was the last time you wrote a love note or letter?

Somewhere between note 1 and 17, I finished reading my 20th book of the year.

Recent reads have been:

 The Marriage Plot - Read this in three days.  The first two I was right there with it.  Yesterday, not so much.  I was just happy to read complex sentences again.

Fifty Shades of Grey (Fifty Shades, #1) – I read this because I have a not-so-new obsession with talked-about books.  I found myself counting the times Ana mentioned her inner goddess.  And then I lost it.  Perhaps the best thing about reading this was appreciating Ellen’s video.

The History of Love - I lived with this book.

The Shape Of Water - Must read all the others and catch up with the show.  Think I know what our next box-set will be.

Hot Six (Stephanie Plum, #6) – These haven’t become boring yet.  Predictable and comfortable, but not boring.

 The Bees - Read this aloud, to myself.  In my living-room.  In honour of (inter)National (kinda) Poetry Month.  And to drown out the not-so dulcet tones of my upstairs neighbour.  The one who is constantly on the phone.  At that infuriating level that’s loud enough to be annoying, but too muffled to be useful in my writing.  Except to say it’s worse than a slow, tapping leak.

The Freedom Writers Diary - I got this because of my not-so recent obsession books on writing/books that encourage writing/books made into films.  And because I was looking for something else and found this on the way.  And then realised it was a book I’d wanted to read for a long time.  Everybody wins.

Previous books listed here.

What have you been reading?

The History of Love (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

15 Reasons Why Every Day Is World Penguin Day

Today is World Penguin Day.

Sarge loves penguins.  If he had a spirit animal, a brother or a higher power, they would all be penguins.  They are all penguins.

I have only just recently established that he loves me more than penguins.  Here are some reasons why that may be the greatest compliment I could ever receive.

15. When we first started dating, he gave me Death and the Penguin.  He called it Required Reading, and said if I didn’t like it; our relationship wouldn’t get very far.  I gave the book 5 stars.

14. Our travel mascot is called George Bailey-Penguin.  Sarge gave him to me for our first Christmas together, to ‘up your penguin/human ratio.’

13. Our favourite ‘Christmas Elf’ is called MC Penguin, he raps.

12. For Sarge’s birthday, I adopted a penguin from Edinburgh Zoo.  It was like Christmas in March.

11. For another birthday, I got him a bottle of BrewDog’s Tactical Nuclear Penguin.  We haven’t opened it yet.

10. I proposed with pebbles.

9. We made a special trip to the zoo to notify the penguins of our engagement.  They approved.

8. He thinks our wedding registry should be at Penguin Corner.

7. He’s asked if we could rent a penguin to be in the wedding.  But not really, because people who kidnap penguins make him sad.  He does want our 3-foot plastic penguin called Jemima to be involved somehow, though.

6. Our cake-topper will be a butterfly and a penguin and both will most likely make an appearance on the invitations.

5. He loves penguin books and Penguin Books.  Because they’re all penguins.

4. We have a print of 6 penguins lined up on our living room wall.  We call them our parents surrogate grandchildren.

3. When we do have kids, his favourite name for a girl is Penelope Gwyneth.  PenGwyn for short.

2. Sarge finds peace by looking at Edinburgh Zoo’s Penguin Cam.  He is very sad that some of the penguins have been shipped off and that the parade has been cancelled.  But we’ll both be excited when everyone is back in their new digs and everything is back to normal.

1. Sarge aspires to be Scotland’s answer to Belgium’s Mr Penguin.

How are you honouring your favourite penguin today?

Pygoscelis papua English: Gentoo Penguins at Edinburgh Zoo, Scotland. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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Instant Coffee Tastes Like Mushrooms

I’ll repeat, instant coffee taste like mushrooms.  Fact.  That’s why, as I write this, there is a cup of zombie coffee by my side.  Anyway, these are, as ever, coffee-fuelled ramblings.

And so, this week, I went out for more real coffee with a friend.  I discovered many things:

1.  It’s OK that I can’t get through five pages of Saturday or Enduring Love.  It isn’t just me.
2. Apparently, I can’t go five minutes without talking about THE WEDDING.  And that’s OK.  But somehow less universal an issue than the density of Ian McEwan’s prose.

I’m going to be bold.  This post is not about THE WEDDING.  It’s not about the bike, either.  Or the shoes.  It’s about OTHER THINGS.

I’ve been writing a lot.  My last piece was rejected.  I’ve been trying to find words for this.  It sucks.  That’s two words.  Empty gaping hole.  There’s three more.  In all seriousness, this last knock sent me into a darkened room.  Really.  That’s where Sarge found me when he got home from work.  I tried to switch the light on, though.  And then I threw up.

And so, if I’m not talking about THE WEDDING, I’m talking about THE BIG FAT ‘NO’.  Or not talking about it.  I have since left the darkened room.  To watch Judge Judy.  Or The Sopranos.  Or this video.  Over and over.

Getting back to The Sopranos, Sarge and I are working through the box-set.  Two episodes left.  When the show was first on, I refused to watch the end.  I like to think the characters from my favourite shows live on in some funky parallel universe.  Which is kinda apt.  Because they’re ACTORS.

Coffee cup (Photo credit: @Doug88888)

I’m planning a post that lists my favourite episodes of The Sopranos.  I’ll give you a hint.  Christopher is my favourite character.  So THAT ONE won’t be on the list.  I guess I’ve always had a thing for guys with big noses.

Which reminds me of THE WEDDING.  But that’s another post.

And that was six minutes.  Which is more than five.